This afternoon I spent my time working on the yard for the first time this season. I love yard-work because it gives me a lot of time to think and to pray, and then to think some more. These sessions are usually marked by my talking to myself, then talking to God, asking what he thinks, recalling scripture, and then telling myself what I think God thinks about all that I'm thinking. Are you still with me?
First, my thoughts - I of course spent the majority of my time thinking about Josiah, wondering what he'll look like, who he'll act like, what his favorite sport will be, what kind of faith lessons he'll teach me. I imagined him riding in the baby bjorn while I mowed the yard, much like his big sister used to do. We've been talking in our Sunday School class about Paul's letter to the Galatian church and the freedom that we all have in Christ now. This got me to thinking about how great it will be for Josiah to know all the freedom but not necessarily to know the slavery that makes that freedom so wonderful. That then got me wondering about how much Josiah will understand about God's love for him.
That thought led me into my musings with God. I asked Him, "God, if nothing else, I pray my boy will know you. I pray he will love you, and I pray that he will be a vessel to bring others to you." Of course this simple prayer went on for a while, as I tend to ramble when I'm really in conversation with someone, anyone, including God.
After my talking I went back to thinking. This time though I was thinking more about God's responses to me. Something along the lines of "Thanks for asking. Of course your boy will know me, and I'll know him, and he will be blessed, and all will be well. You will learn much, he will learn much, your family will learn much. Life will be amazing." As I was thinking these pleasant thoughts, I remembered that God has already said as much in His word. He's also said some other things, like amazing doesn't always mean easy (rough paraphrase). If it did, I probably wouldn't be having these inner monologues with myself, God, and, well another version of myself; and Josiah (as well as all of the downs babies) would have their 46 chromosomes, no more - no less.
Anyhow, I'm sure that God is amused at me trying to play both voices in my conversations with Him. On the other hand, maybe that other voice may be the Spirit making noise on my heart. Either way, I'm set for a lifetime of these conversations and I hope in his own way that Josiah gets to have these sweet moments with his Creator as well. I mean, after all, isn't that every daddy's desire?